AHH!

Lets take a minute to be honest. Having two children ages two and under is hard. Is it harder than I expected it to be? Yes! I feel like 80% of Madeline's day she is spent in trouble. I am constantly saying, "Madeline don't do that." "Madeline put that down." "Madeline do you want time out?" "Stop." "THAT IS IT!" I swore when I got pregnant I would not make Madeline feel like I was choosing the baby over her, but I also never expected for her behavior to get so out of control! If the baby is crying she is either telling the baby to shh or telling me the baby is bad. She will run for me to hold her or try to make the baby stop crying so I won't be able to pick her up. It is awful!
Lacey is using laid back although she is much more demanding than Madeline was. When she is ready to eat, she is ready to eat right then. She has been sick for over two weeks now and I am taking her to the doctor tomorrow to make sure she doesn't have a ear infection or anything. The last hour before bed is pure hell with Lacey. She screams and screams for no apparent reason. It doesn't seem like her belly is hurting her, it just seems like she is angry and can't get comfortable. After she does calm down and you move her it starts all over again. Tonight my patience was running a little thin and I stuck her in her crib, turned on her mobile and the humidifer (because he nose is so stopped up!) She has now calmed down but I am not sure if she is asleep.
Two kids is hard. They both need things. I am only one person. I don't have a husband at home at night to help me or give me a break. Sometimes I lose it with Madeline just because she repeats herself 1,000 times, "I want jelly. I want jelly. Mmm I love jelly. I want jelly.." It never ends and I just find myself saying, "Stop talking about jelly Madeline!" It is something I am working on. Today we went to the library for story time and I had no socks, Lacey was still in her pj's from the night and Madeline had dried snot all over her face. We are surviving. Somedays are prettier than others. Last night Madeline and I made brownies together. She was so excited to be doing something with me. Yesterday we played soccer outside. Every night now we read a book together, just me and her. For every not so pretty experience, I am trying to make another beautiful one. I am doing the best I know how. And my girls are too. For that I am grateful.